As Long as it is Loud

Jack is happy doing just about anything…. as long as it is loud.
I can't even be sad that he isn't my baby anymore. Because he is too much fun.
He plays the pots and pans so well we are incredibly proud of his musical ability.
He is my best little bud and such a fantastic little human.

A letter to my Daughter

Little Girl,
We are so excited to meet you. Three weeks left till due day little one and we can hardly wait. We have just about everything ready for your arrival. 
I haven't been the best at documenting this pregnancy. So  I wanted to take a minute and write something down. Lets go back a ways. When I found out that there was a problem with my thyroid I instantly asked if it would effect my fertility. I already had some problems and the issues with my thyroid would be another big hurdle. I felt discouraged but remained hopeful. With faith and prayers from everyone who loves us, and the care of excellent doctors your existence became a reality sooner than expected. You surprised us all. You have been a fighter from the very start. 
at 11 weeks your dad and I heard your sweet heartbeat for the very first time. The sound filled our hearts with joy and a little bit of relief as well. You were really real. We were adding to our family. What started out as a wonderful day took a terrible turn when later that afternoon I started bleeding. I called your dad at work and told him he needed to come home right away. For a moment I thought it was all over. As I climbed into the car to go to the hospital I felt a deep sense of peace. Despite the evidence that something was clearly wrong, my heart was telling me that you were alright. That you were a little fighter and would hold on. As we waited in the E.R. your dad paced around. I had never seen him so scared. After only 11 weeks the thought of losing you was unbearable. Finally the doctor pulled you up on the ultrasound. You were swimming around, waving to us, and we saw the little flicker of your heartbeat on the monitor. You were just fine. You were perfect. 
We thought you were a boy. It's true. But since finding out you were a girl it has all made so much sense. The three of us need you little one. We really really do. I can't wait to get to know the special light you will bring to our family. 
I have been able to see you a couple of times recently in ultrasounds. You are a tiny little thing measuring a couple weeks behind. The doctors want to keep checking on you to make sure you are growing right. You always look perfectly healthy, just a little small. Your ultrasounds always take extra long because you won't hold still long enough for the tech to get the measurements they need. One time you were sucking on your umbilical cord. I was a little worried but the tech assured me it was fine. I guess you don't have a lot to do in there. You have to do something to keep busy. Just keep growing! 
We all love you so much already. Your dad talks to you every night before bed. You always react to the sound of his voice. Your brother drives cars, trucks and motorcycles over my growing belly and laughs when you kick them away. I feel like I get a special sneak peak at who you are by feeling a bit of your personality through your movements. 
The past 37 weeks have been quite the journey. I'm so glad that I get to be your mama. I really am. I love you already. 

Jack and Dax

Even My Worst Days

This past Thursday Jack and I attended a funeral. I promised my mom that morning we would not be late. At some point as I ran around in a frenzy trying to get myself ready and the diaper bag packed I left the bathroom door open. I could hear Jack playing and having the best time. Imagine my surprise when I ran out of my room to check on him and found him splashing in spilled toilet water. I am not kidding… This was the best part of my day. 

We did reach the funeral on time. However things went downhill from there. I could tell you a traumatizing story involving my toddler, a wheelchair, a casket, a body and the door to the embalming room. But I know writing it down would commit the details to memory and at the moment I am really hoping to forget. Lets just say I sat in the car and cried before driving home. 

Later that evening I was watching this video because it is hilarious and has become my go to on hard days. I've seen it so many times now, but I laugh through the whole thing every time. And then I feel better. Anyway I was watching the video when it hit me how profoundly grateful I am to understand these jokes on a personal level. That I get to experience the struggle. I love that my life is ran by a two year old boy with a wild heat. I don't always love it in the moment. But it is without a doubt the best thing ever. Having kids is such a privilege and a blessing. I don't ever want to take it for granted. Because even my worst days with Jack are a million times better than my best days before him. 

Although there are a few moments I hope I forget there are so many more I hope I can always remember. Family is everything. And my family is pretty dang awesome. 

USTATE Fall Ball Scrimmage and Family Fun Day

About a month ago (maybe a little more now time is gong by so quick) KSL reached out to Parker and asked him to cover Utah State Football.  You can find his articles and podcasts here. It has been a wonderful opportunity! He is up in Logan quite a bit these days, so Jack and I jumped at the chance to make the trip with him for "Family Fun Day".
Jack spent the first part of the game eating a creamy and crawling all over the bleachers playing trucks and minions. ( Words cannot describe how sticky and dirty he was)  He did watch some of the game. Pretty sure he is going to want to go to work with Parker everyday. But then he decided he wanted to be on the field. He was hot and tired and seriously had a meltdown when I told him he had to wait until the game was over. So he was grumpy for a while and then fell asleep. After the game we woke him up so he could finally run on the field. I am so glad we did. He sprinted around for well over an hour. Parker thinks he must have ran over 2000 yards. He was in heaven. I don't know how we will ever take him to another football game. He is going to expect to be able to play on the field every time!

Here we are a family of almost four. 

And here we were newly engaged at family fun day back in 2010.

The difference five years can make! I love Utah State football. Without it I wouldn't have met Parker. Which would have been hands down the darkest timeline.  And I am really enjoying it being a big part of our lives again! It has been such an exciting time and is only going to get crazier when the season actually starts. Not to mention we are getting so excited to welcome our newest Aggie fan. 

 Which by the way… Parker is totally supposed to be in Logan on my due date. I think it'll be ok. I read somewhere that less than 5% percent of people actually have their babies on their due dates. Lets hope that's true!

Tight Squeeze

It was a tight squeeze on the longboard with Jack, baby bump, and me. Trying to still be a fun mom even though I feel super duper pregnant these days. Jack loves to sit on my lap, and recently has wanted to be held all the time. I think he is ready for the bump to be gone. I know I am getting ready for little girl to be in my arms instead of my ribs. 

Little Fish

This is the story of how in one day, at 30 weeks pregnant, I had to jump into two different bodies of water to get Jack. Total Mom Fail. 

Saturday morning we headed up the canyon for a big family breakfast. We do it once a year, every August, in memory of my moms dad. Jack had a blast. Although we had a hard time keeping him out of the river at first. I was standing right next to Jack to make sure he wouldn't fall in, I didn't anticipate him jumping in voluntarily. That particular part of the river was shallow and slow moving (not pictured). I was right there and went right in after him and the water was below his knees. But I had to wrestle him out because he wanted to stay in and swim. We were both soaked. Jack is actually a pretty obedient kid, he likes to test out all the limits, but when we tell him no he gets the hang of it. So after a rough start it ended up to be a really fun morning throwing rocking into the river, not trying to swim in it. 

Jack and I spent the afternoon poolside while Parker golfed. Let me start by saying that Jack knows the difference between the shallow kid pool and the deep pool. He knows he can walk right into the kids pool. But he knows that the other one is deep. Usually he will hold my hands and want to stick his feet in. Well without warning Jack sprinted from the kids pool to the deep pool and just jumped in. Didn't pause for a single second. I was seriously only half a step behind him. But he jumped so far out I had no choice but to jump in right after him. He was completely under the water but only for half a second. The craziest part? He didn't even cough, not once. He totally held his breath. He didn't cry at all either. It happened so fast, it really wasn't scary. Sarah was even snapping pictures after.

This whole no fear thing is totally getting out of hand. Pretty sure swimming lessons are in order. Life jackets too.